Unexpected Changes and So Many Decisions

Dacotah is growing taller I swear by the day. Which also means he is getting stronger. Don’t get me wrong I want him to grow and be tall like his dad. I also know that means the meltdowns are getting scarier because it’s harder for me to restrain him to keep us all safe. We had to officially retire Loki from his service dog responsibilities due to the increasing pain and instability from his joint OCD. He can barely jump up on the couch now and loading and unloading from the SUV is all but impossible. So that’s been a change I wasn’t quite ready for because he helps redirect Dacotah and blocks him from running off when he’s done with a situation. 

When Dacotah makes his mind up about doing something he is 1000% determined to do it. There is no stopping to assess if it’s dangerous. Elopement into the neighboring cow fields have become a daily occurrence. I wish I could say it’s gotten easier, I mean I guess the fact he can talk and tell me I’m going to visit my cow friends as he runs for the door does make it easier. At least he’s not sneaking out but he has a very hard time waiting. For a kid who was NEVER supposed to talk he never STOPS talking!!!! That is such a blessing and a curse lol. But him talking does make things easier because after he calms down he’s able to tell me why the meltdowns happen now unless his anxiety takes over and he shuts down and doesn’t remember. 

That’s kind of two fold because he needs a visual schedule, he needs a time, and transitions are easier. However, when he wants/needs something from me or his sister it’s IMMEDIATE Demand… which is exhausting. 

The last few weeks of school it was very hit and miss on if his anxiety would let him get on the bus to get there. If I drove him, he refused to go inside the school. Trust me we sat outside 3 hours one day and he still wouldn’t go inside. So I started brainstorming for the upcoming year on how we were gonna be able to do third grade.

Don’t you hate when you know what’s happening and then halfway through the summer get notified that staff is changing??? So Mrs. M is being transferred to the middle school. Which means there’s a new life skills teacher coming to the primary and from I know they are straight out of college! A part of me wants to immediately argue for a one on one aide for Dacotah but that would honestly take an act of congress because it would be easier to send him to a different school 45 minutes away from home! Ummm yeah he can barely stand the bus ride to the school 15 minutes from home so how is that supposed to work? 

I asked Dacotah his opinion because to me it does matter. He says he is excited for third grade and wants to be in class with his peers. This too is bittersweet because as much as I want him to be on par with the other 3rd graders, he is still mentally around 1st grade in play and behavior which annoys the same aged peers. 

So I’m at a crossroad of:

Do I ask for an aide?  Do we try the life skills classroom as previously done? Do we opt for a home base option? Do we consider home school again? Do we try the school 45 minutes away? Do we opt for mainstream classes with more accommodations? 

I won’t lie, these are HARD questions to which I have no clue what the right answer is. I would love to say everything is going to be 100% perfect this year. But honestly I still have PTSD from dropping him off during the middle of a meltdown. Someone mentioned having the SRO talk to him…it took everything in me not to laugh because Dacotah doesn’t differentiate between a teacher and policeman vs stranger. To him they all talk at the same level and have the same authority… vs his peer sees the SRO and immediately breaks down in tears of please don’t take me to jail. 

I would love to say everything is absolutely hands down going to be perfect. Unfortunately due to some personal health problems things slowed down for us a lot over the summer. Perhaps it was better this way so we can all process the upcoming changes that is about to hit us in the next few weeks! At the same time it gives this momma a lot of time to overthink! 

But as I’ve always said, I am thankful for the small steps forward and know that he is going to do amazing things! 

 New School for Dacotah

When Covid hit, the schools shut down, kids were sent home, and despite losing several months of the school year, kids were automatically transferred to the following grade. When I asked to hold Dacotah back, I was told it wasn't an option. He would have to go onto first grade, although developmentally he was no where near ready. His separation anxiety still wrecked havoc at drop off, he screamed and cried not wanting to go to school. So being a widowed mom I decided to work from home and homeschool him the best I could. 

August 2021-January 2022, we reviewed things he should have learned in Kindergarten. There were good days but honestly the bad outweighed them. He hated to sit still for more than five minutes. We had therapy 4 days a week 45 minutes away from 3:30-5:30 to help him build social skills, and behavior skills, we still had angry meltdowns, but we stayed patient. Every day we would pass a small primary school on our way to therapy that's 15 minutes from our house. In December 2022, Dacotah said, "I go to that school, peas mom". I reminded him that it was a big school with a lot of noise, a lot of kids, and that maybe some day we would try public school again. He was persistent over that month "I go, its not loud, I want to play on big playground with kids". 

So I talked it over with his therapist, talked it over with Dacotah about the expectations, and we agreed to give it a trial run. So in January when the kids went back from Christmas break, we went to the school and talked to the receptionist. I explained that Dacotah had an IEP from his previous school, his diagnoses, and she said "Can you bring him back next week and someone will be here to talk to you?" I thought to myself "Okay, this is going to be....Great! (sarcasm)". I was in for the surprise of my life: 

We show up that day, Dacotah is all smiles and we walk into the office. We are sent to the Principals office and inside was OT, Speech, the life skills teacher, and we were welcomed to have a seat. While I was discussing how we were doing in homeschool, Dacotah kept getting louder "I want to go now, can I go to my class now, peas". I don't remember who took him, but he was so excited. I explained his diagnoses, his behavior issues, his toiletry needs, his eating habits etc. No one looked at me as though I had three heads. Instead they all took notes and said let's meet back up in two weeks to get him a new IEP set up, that'll give us time to evaluate where he is currently and let us get to know him better. 

I left the school that day without a sense of dread. I was nervous true, but I was hopeful since it was Dacotah's idea. 

Fast Forward: we had his IEP meeting, he acclimated the best he could at the time, and we adapted as needed so he was able to be successful. We continued therapy four days a week, until around mid March of 2022 because it made the days INCREDIBLY LONG for Dacotah. That too was a hard decision because every single one of his therapist have played a major role in his life. Somewhere deep down, I knew this was the best choice, and so we withdrew with the option to return if needed. 

Three Years Since the Last Post (Not Dacotah specific): 

Let me start by saying, I had no idea it had been three years. I guess I do a quick update on Facebook and continue onward. Covid hit, the world all but shutdown, we moved, the kids changed school, everything changed. As anyone on the spectrum knows, change is harder on those with Asperger's, Autism, ADHD, etc. We were not immune but maybe from here on I can do a little better with updating more than every three years. 

Life with a special needs child is unique on so many levels. Their needs are different from their same aged peers. Dacotah's not exempt. Change of routine is hard for him. We moved back into my home place in 2020 with my dad. My dad has lived in the basement since I was around 13 years old, so we have the entire upstairs. The upstairs still includes furniture from when my mom was alive, and dad being 78 doesn't want it donated, given away, etc., he wants it to stay but finally agreed in the past two months I can put it in the storage building so we have room for our stuff. This will allow me to put the therapy swing back up, fix up the keyboard (Dacotah loves them), and make a playroom so when company does come over, everyone still has their space. 

I cannot go back and put all three years into one post because truth is with Widow's fog, I cannot remember the majority without the memory reminders on FB. Sad but true. I tried managing both kids and their own unique needs while trying to balance a full time job at the office and honestly the stress became too much. So in September I put in my notice and in October I left the medical field. It was by far the best decision I have made for our family. Albeit one of the hardest decisions, I have ever made. Montana said one day "Mom, you are actually smiling". It was so AMAZING to be at home with them over Christmas Break or when school closes without notice I don't have to stress about how to balance work and having them home. Kuddos to those that do this every day! 

Now life is full of appointments, ballgame practices, ballgames, band, travel, cleaning, and enjoying life the best we can. There is still a huge void with Travis not being with us. It's been hard on the kids and me. There are times at the end of the day I just want to have him here to talk to, bounce ideas off, or just sometimes for him to watch the kids so I can go take a shower without worrying about them arguing and fighting. I won't lie there are days I am so exhausted from Dacotah not sleeping that I feel like a walking zombie.