A voice from Forrest Gump went off in my head as I started writing this "you are a special kind of stupid aren't you" Gump replies "stupid is as stupid does"
No our children are not stupid but they are indeed special. We have always taken a different parenting approach with both of our kids, to outsiders it may look like we never discipline them, but I'm a firm believer in positive reenforcement and redirection. This comes from growing up with a mom who was super loving but was also very abusive. Travis and I decided that I we didn't want that for our kids". Our job is to keep them safe, love them,, shelter them and provide for them. I know we do all of that. Sadly many kids will never have that... Ours don't have to worry we have them and their needs taken care of.
I bring it up only because so many people have said there is nothing wrong with Dacotah, had I listened to the expert parents out there, I would have spanked him senseless for screaming and throwing stuff, I would have said you will sit down at the table and not get up until you puke up the food you can't tolerate to touch little lone taste. For Montana I would have spanked her for failing to tell a neighbor thank you for dinner because she forgot in a rush to get home. Instead she had to walk back over and apologize for forgetting to say thank you and then thank the lady for dinner. Also note she is one who almost always says thank you before I get a reminder out.
But you see it's the things the outsiders don't see that makes me rethink how I teach. I know my kids inside and out, I know that spanking is good for some instances but I also know psychologically there are better ways 90% of the time. Do I spank my kids, sure but it's when it's life threatening. Montana left the house without telling me, Dacotah ran out into the middle of the street, there are times that it is appropriate and the lesson is learned. I say all of this to bring us to the next point: church, yep it's a battleground Dacotah screams and flails his arms, out of exasperation we leave so not to disrupt the pastors teaching. I see the stares and the looks in restaurants when Dacotah has had enough over stimulation and melts down. I see the stares and hear the whispers when I leave everyone at home and have a moment just to be "me" this makes me a better parent it gives me a chance to refuel so I can deal with the constant clinging, screaming, scratching, and meltdowns without losing it... No he's not spoiled... But you see Dacotah has a reason, a medical diagnosis that on the outside you can't see.
Dacotah has autism, to what level we won't know until December, right now he is known as having "borderline autism" The developmental specialist is between mild and moderate autism level 1 or level 2 on the spectrum this the borderline diagnosis. Between the tests she gave last week and Friday's test she said even by the old autism standard before the spectrum came into play he would still be autistic. I was hoping she would say no. So here we are with a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and an ISFP with early intervention that will turn to an IEP when he's 3. Hopefully by the time he is 5, you won't be able to tell he is autistic, that's the long term goal. The short term speech and OT every week until Feb!
How does this change our current home and future. Honestly? I don't know. I'd like to say it's going to continue going just fine with leaps and bounds with both kids. Chances are highly likely that will not be the case but we will grow and adapt and find our normal. The diagnosis does not change how we feel about Dacotah as Travis says "he's our son". That's the truth and we will continue providing and making sure that him and Montana get the best life possible and know they are loved.
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